Is that a Pistol in your Pants?
by NotSrsBsns
Summary: "And so our story begins." You said that already, Theresa. Another series of oneshots that have nothing to do with each other. Collaborative fic.
1. Stories

"The scariest thing in the world… would be if everything turned to _wood_."

The Princess looked at Logan, and then raised an eyebrow.

"That was laaaaame," she whined. Logan pouted.

"Fine, then. _You_ tell a scarier story."

"Fine, then. I will."

The Princess readied herself. She rubbed her hands together. Thunder rolled in the background as a creepy grin spread across her face.

"Oh night I was walking through the hallway with all the trophies. I thought I heard someone whispering, so I turned around, but no one was there. I started to leave, but then there was whispering again. I _knew_ I had heard someone. I asked if anyone was there, but no one answered. I saw something move on the wall, so I looked up to see… Thag's head looking right at me!"

Logan rolled his eyes.

"That wasn't scary."

"Oh really? Fine, I dare you to walk through the hall and not get freaked out!"

"Fine!"

At this, Logan got up and stormed out of the room. Grinning, the Princess just sat and waited.

"Three… two… one."

A bloodcurdling scream pierced the air. A moment later, a grinning boy poked his head into the room.

"Did it work, Elliot?" the Princess asked.

"Let's just say that the people that wash Logan's pants may or may not be too pleased with us."

* * *

We're baaaaack. And here's our first chapter, Halloween based for the occasion, and once again about Thag's Head. We hope you enjoy, and will stay around for the ride once again.


	2. Dancing

First things first. The newly titled Hero of Brightwall needed followers, and so she ambled down the street, looking out for unexpecting people to befriend.

She set her sights on an older man who had just left the pawn shop. Grinning, she approached him and held out a hand. "May I have this dance?"

The man barely had time to respond as she twirled him and put her numerous years of dancing lessons to use.

"You are rather good at this!" he complimented as she lifted him into the air and set him back down again.

"Well, duh, I'm the Princess," she said, enjoying his surprised reaction.

"You're Sparrow's daughter? Well, you certainly dance better than her. She _sucked." _


	3. Girlfriend

The last bandit charged at the Princess, screaming at the top of his lungs. The Princess looked down at her broken sword. In response, she held up her hand, and pressed a small button on her bracelet. The bandit looked on, confused, as she was warped to the Sanctuary where Jasper was waiting for her.

"Good afternoon, Your Highness, what can I do for you this time?"

"Hey Jasper, I need a new sword." She held up the one she had been using, which was now split right down the middle. How it happened, she'll never know.

"Coming right up, Your Highness."

Jasper walked into the armory, and came out a moment later with a new sword.

"Wow, that was quick."

"I had it all shined and ready for you already."

"Well, you certainly have a lot of time on your hands, don't you?"

"Yes, Your Highness. I even managed to repair that one crack the wall, as well as dust everywhere and get rid of all traces of dog hair from your lovely shedding companion."

The Princess raised an eyebrow.

"Jasper, I was only here about twenty minutes ago. How did you manage to get all that done?"

"Oh, an old servant trick. Besides, my life is to serve you, Your Highness, I really couldn't spend my time otherwise." The Princess shook her head.

"Jasper, you really need to get yourself a girlfriend," was her last comment, before teleporting back into battle.

Or, at least, what _should_ have been a battle. The bandit had been so confused that the Princess came back to find not a bloodthirsty man with a sword, but a man with a sword sitting down and about to have some tea, which she then helped herself to.


	4. Elliot

"You're getting _married?"_

If ever there was a sight to behold, it was the Princess of Albion when she was angry. She'd offered to help the woman, yes, and helping had included running through the sewers while avoiding several bullets to the face, and _this _what she was rewarded with?

Elliot held up his hands in defense. "I didn't think I would ever see you again!"

She stared at him in disbelief. "Elliot, there was a hobo eating trash down the street that knew I was starting a rebellion. Where the hell have you been? Oh, wait, that's right. _Getting engaged." _

"Well, uh…"

"You know what? Forget it." She stuck out her hand and grasped his, yanking him in her direction. "Keep your head low, understand?"

Just as she and Elliot began to make their way out of the sewer, the shaking started, and then the ceiling came crashing down, blocking their path. The two stood there in silence, before she smacked Elliot in the face.

"What was that for!"

"It's your fault."

"_How?" _

"I'm not really sure. I can smack you again to see if it helps me find out."

"No thank you, please."

"That's what I thought."

* * *

A/N: Oh look, an update! Sorry about the wait, there isn't any real excuse. We'll be getting these things a lot faster in two weeks once finals are over. Thanks, everyone.


	5. Colours

The princess needed money. It was kind of an odd situation, and she'd never had to deal with it before, but deal with it she must. The only problem was that she didn't know _how_ to.

Well, that wasn't completely true. She knew that she needed a job, but she had no idea how to get one. Did she just go up to someone and ask for one? Was there some sort of listing that she could pick from?

While the princess was contemplating deep things such as these, she managed to run smack dab into a sign on the side of the road, much to the amusement of the local children.

"Part Time Pie Making Job Open" the sign read.

After a few moments to regain her composure, the princess went in to talk to the owner of the pie shop. What store only sold pies, she didn't know, but a job was a job. Before she knew it, she was standing at the magic pie making stand rolling pies as people gathered to watch how far she had fallen. Oh, and maybe to see why she was yelling.

"Green! Green! Blue! Green! Yellow! Ffffyes, pie!"

Each subsequent pie top was rolled quicker than the last, until finally the princess' hands were a blur and the words coming out of her mouth were a garble.

"Bluegreenbluegreengreen-DAMN IT."

"Maybe you wouldn't keep screwing up if you didn't keep yelling like that."

"SHUT UP IT'S HOW I FOCUS."

And so the princess never landed another job and the kingdom was forever doomed.

* * *

So... hey guys. Sorry about the long wait and all, and for the following announcement: We're going to be discontinuing this fic. We love writing these, but we're lazy as anything, and there's also the problem of one of the writers (me) having a broken Xbox and barely seeing any of Fable 3. We really love you guys to bits, we swear, but we just have no drive to write any more of this. It was fun while it lasted, though.


End file.
